Kentucky Fried Frog

We had a bad rainstorm last night. Bad enough that on the way home from dinner, I looked at my landlady and asked “did we miss the ‘build the ark’ memo?”

When my landlady and I got home we went to the back yard to check on the pool. Apparently, during really heavy downpours, the pool will overflow. I never thought that an overflowing pool would be a problem till my landlady told me that when it overflows it picks up all the dirt and shit and drags it into the pool. Course the pool pulling dirt in actually wasn’t the problem last night. The problem was the shit-ton of water washing downhill from the neighbor’s yard, around a brick wall and into the pool. Well, after this storm the pool has so much dirt and shit in it that it has turned into a muddy, murky pond. As of this morning there are now frogs in it. I now have a frog’s pond in the back yard so the irony about the blog name is pretty funny. But I digress…

After my landlady saw the pool was overflowed she and I ran out to try and get the pool level back down to try and stem the damage. It was then that we noticed the sound… a waterfall kind of sound. We turned toward the sound and saw a river of water pouring off the roof into the basement window wells. The windows in the basement are below ground so there are “window wells” that keep the dirt back. Apparently they keep water in really well too. When we looked just then the windows were about ¾ of the way under water.

SHIT!!!

We ran over and agreed that we needed to get the water out. She went into the garage and got a small trashcan. I started bailing while she went into the basement to check and see if the water was getting in. Bail, Bail, Bail, Bail…

Did I mention that this wasn’t just a rain storm? This was a THUNDER storm.

Big peals of thunder, bright flashes of lightning, me standing in ankle deep water using a trash can to bail out the window well thinking to myself “this is not a good idea” and “SHIT THAT WAS CLOSE!”

My landlady took a turn bailing while I tried to figure a way to keep the waterfall from continuing to cascade into the window wells. I sent her inside to find some sheets of plastic while I bailed. It was then that I remembered the little frog, and not so little frog, that live in the window well. These are the frogs that have unofficially become my pets.

I looked for them and saw the little one riding on the big one’s back. They were trying to escape the cascade of water thundering down. I took the bailing bucket and scooped them up. I stood up and looked around for a place to put them where they could stay wet but not drown. “There! On the bench!” I hurried over to put them on the bench close by so that I wouldn’t get too far behind in the bailing.

Just as the two frogs were about to turn around and wave their thanks, I hear this electrical buzzing sound in my ear and my right pinky finger feels like there is an electrical current running through it. “Hmmm. That feels weird…”

SHIT!

I jump back just as the lightning strike hits close.

“Ok God. Whatever I did to piss you off I am REALLY sorry!!!”

I stand back under the overhang of the house eyes as big as saucers and what do I think? “Shit, I almost got Kentucky Fried, but, I need to keep bailing, but I almost got fried, but I need to keep the water out of the basement, but I almost got electrocuted, but I really need to keep bailing, but I almost got extra crispy, but I need to keep bailing.”

After a full minute’s debate back and fourth I decide that “you know what… I think I will just… go… inside… now...” I gently place the “bucket” down, open the sliding glass door and go inside.

My landlady took one look at me and said “you alright?” I said “yea… uh… I don’t think I will do any more bailing for now.” She said “Good! I was just going to go out and get you since there is so much lightning.”

God’s most likely response to the statement above: “No need to be sorry. You’re just an idiot.”