Thursday, July 16, 2009

Bad Music

Hello everyone. I have been a very bad blogger in that I got a life for a little while there and stopped blogging. Ok, well, that was just rude. I am PMSing and have had a couple of shittastic days so what do you expect. The rest of this post, while just as snarky, is a lot funnier. :-)

On to the entry.

My internet at home has been turned off. It was turned off because I didn't pay the bill for three months. The first two months are my fault because I have CRS desease and didn't get a bill in the mail. The last month was because at the end of the second month, when I thought to myself "hmmm. I haven't paid the internet bill" I went online and checked the amount I owe. The total was MUCH higher than what it should have been. So I called Comcast and asked them what was up. Turns out my CRS disease had kicked in before and caused me to not turn a piece of equipment in to them. I dutifully turned it in a day (or two) later. Then I waited for them to remove that charge so that I could see what I really owed. Six weeks later the no return fee is still on my account, I have talked with them 4 times on the phone, faxed the reciept for the equipment I did return, did an online chat with their customer service (because apparently when your service has been cut off you are not allowed to talk with customer service on the phone anymore, you get redirected to a quite grumpy woman with severe attitude issues who works for their billing department) and on the suggestion of the online chat customer service rep drove to my local office two days in a row, the second day having left my office (an hour and a half away) with enough time to make it before they closed so that I could argue with someone in person and pay what I really owe and get my service turned back on. I was 3 minutes too late and the office was closed. The nice lady working behind the counter did look a little sypathetic through the window while she gestured that they were closed after I banged on it and begged to be let in.

But I digress in my explaining why I am at my local coffee shop (with free WiFi) willingly subjecting myself to bad music.

Basically, I have no internet at home. I am an internet junkie but I cannot bring myself to pay over 500 dollars to have my service turned back on when all I owe is $198. The name of this cute little coffee shop is Jumpin Java ( and it is in Charles Town West Virginia. (Ok, before the jokes start I only have one missing tooth and that one is way in the back where you can't see it so that doesn't count. LOL)

Where was I? Oh, Jumpin Java in Charles Town.

Ok, so Jumpin Java is apparently having an open mic night tonight for local musicians. That sounds like a great idea right?

The first guy up is... well, how do I put this?? So bad that my ears are going to start bleeding. He sounds very similar to what I would imagine a guy would sound like if someone was stepping on his testicles while demanding that he whine about the piss poor parts of his life.

GEEBUS! He just said that he has CDs for sale. Ok, good music is apparently dead now. Why didn't get that notice???

Ahhh. He has stopped now. I am hopeing that it gets better or at least this is as bad as it gets.

No, that apparently wasn't as bad as it could get.

No, not even close.

I am sitting here, with home made ear plugs (rolled up napkins work well) listening to some of the worst "rock" music I have ever heard. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of rock music. I have had the time of my life at OzzFest so you know I must have pretty loose taste in what I consider "good" music.

With that in mind...

Oh Sweet F*cking Geebus.

Someone decided to come back and stand on the guy's testicles again. I think they are wearing golf shoes this time.

SHIT! It just got worse... someone is apparently "playing" a trumpet... badly. Very badly in fact.

This is so bad I may just give Comcast the entire $500+ that they think I owe them. Shit, I may toss in a huge tip. Somewhere along the line these guys seem to have gotten the idea that playing louder makes up for a lack of any real talent. Wow. I bet they could get music fans to pay them a lot of money to never, ever, under any circumstances, pick up an instrument or sing... ever... again.

NOW he decides to tune his guitar? I thought that was supposed to be done BEFORE you start playing. That is optional apparently. Well, singing anywhere close to on key definitely is.

Now they are using an accordion help to create some sort of "Ozzfest meets Haight Ashbury" sort of thing. Too many drugs perhaps? Too much Guitar Hero playing that deluded them into thinking they have any sort of talent whatsoever for music? Too many "friends" who just didn't have the guts to tell these guys the truth that they... well... totally suck?

I am betting that it would be considered rude to go up, tear the bass out of the player's hands and beat the lead guitarist with it huh? I do wonder though... how many of these folks in this coffee shop would cheer for that very action?

I now understand the value in auditions.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Lenten Blogging Part 5 - No Sleep and Cute Kitties

So, I am in bed, not sleeping.

This is not unusual for me lately. (Lately being the last 7 months or so)

There is an adorable kitty right next to my knee and she is sleeping. I am in a bit of disbelief that she gets to come with me when I move. She is a riot. Needy and sometimes clingy, but don't pick her up. Nope, not gonna happen. Wouldn't be prudent. (Couldn't resist, what can I say, I'm not sleeping)

Back to the uber adorable kitty because I am digressing...

She came to me via my roommate. My roommate got her because I forwarded an email to her about a kitty needing a home. The kitty came home and then the kitty decided that since otherkitty had a mommy already that I needed a kitty of my very own. She attached herself to me and hasn't looked back. She and otherkitty get along really well. I am worried that she will miss otherkitty too much when we leave because the place I think we are going to will only have one kitty so I can't get anotherkitty to join her. I will try to explain to her that she will be QueenKitty there and that this is an advantage since she will get all my attention.

I hope she agrees.

I just reread this post and wow, I really need to get some sleep. Geez.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lenten Blogging Part 4 - Ending a partnership, starting a friendship

Here I am, processing 6 years with someone. The end of part of a relationship is interesting for me. I do not usually stay friends with exes. This is new. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. The commitment I made in November still stands, it is just different now. I cannot be her partner anymore because I came to realize that we are much better friends than partners.

I am finding that many things are coming up for me as I process this. The fact that I have not had true emotional intimacy for a long time is a sad realization. That thought came to me earlier this week. It broke my heart a little bit to realize that I had kept going in a relationship where I was showing less and less of myself. I would like to say that there seemed to be less and less interest on her part in seeing the whole of me, but, I want to be honest in this and so I will wait for a little while in making that judgement and have a real look at what happened there. Was I intentionally pulling away? Was I making such huge changes that it would have been a serious effort to keep up with them? Was it that my life was coming apart in such a way that I couldn’t spare the energy to try and explain the changes in me? Was it that I was growing at a different rate than she was?

Is it a little bit of all of the above?

I just read an article on emotional affairs and I wonder, did I have one? Were those evenings spent in on the tailgate of my truck talking till all hours of the night, an emotional affair? I would like to say no, but, I realize now that perhaps that isn’t true. I was getting more emotional support from those talks than from my partner. I would like to be all bitter and shit and say that she wasn’t there for me but, I need to look and see if I gave her the chance to be. Did I assume that she would not be able to handle what I was going through and just didn’t even bother with trying? Did I try and not get what I needed? Should I have tried more? Better question would be could I have tried more. (That answer is a no. I realize that right away when I think back to how hard those 7 months were.)

December really broke my heart. I was talking with someone about that today and was finally able to articulate that I wasn’t needing a whole big thing from her about it. A simple “I am sorry that I couldn’t be there for you when you needed it” would have gone sooooo far in helping heal the hurt. (for those that don’t know, I went through 7 months of sheer hell. Then near the end of those 7 months a friend gave me a trip to St. Louis to see my partner. I was in tears on the plane because I was finally going to get the chance to rest. I had made a commitment to my friends that I would rest and recoup and have a lot of fun while out there. I told my partner what I needed. What happened while I was out there was I got no rest and I ended up having to constantly fix things that were breaking in her life. I even had to move her from her unhealthy roommate situation to her own place, by myself, with a sprained back.)

To come to the realizations that I was not getting any of the support that I needed from her for a really long time (Honestly, the last time I got the support I needed was early last year sometime.) is hard to look at. It is hard to see that I was with someone that I usually gave to and did not get much in return (emotional support…. Shit. I want to leave it there but I didn’t get much financial support either. I would like to say it wasn’t her fault but I am having a moment where I can’t say that.) I feel like I have been with someone for the last year who did not know me. Who did not want to know me. Who was afraid of my anger sometimes, (not healthy to be afraid when someone gets angry not even at you) Who seemed to be afraid of being strong. She seemed like she was afraid of being healthy.

I look at these things and I begin to wonder what qualities I am looking for in friends and in a lover. I want someone strong. I want someone who says “why not” instead of “I can’t” when presented with a challenge.” I can’t” should be reserved for serious “ I have tried, more than once. I have a limitation that prevents me from doing [whatever] but I am going to find a way to work around this as much as I can”.

I guess I have a lot to write about concerning this. Sorry I haven’t been doing well with the Lenten blogging. There has been much writing but not much I could actually post.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Lenten Blogging Part 3 - My slice of heaven

I realized this morning, when I was getting ready to paint some more in my roommate’s house, that I don’t think I can ever live in “suburbia”. This realization came about when I was thinking about what to do today. Here I was, with a whole day in front of me, and I could do anything. I could watch movies all day, I could read the few books I got recently that I have been wanting to read, I could rest and fully recoup from the migraine on Thursday night, or…

It was then I realized that I really can’t sit still.

It isn’t an ADHD thing (I don’t think…) I think it is a personality thing. I just like to keep moving and keep getting things done. I like to reach the end of the day with something accomplished. I like to look at something and say “That looks good” or “it is awesome that this is finished”.

I especially like to do outside things. This is most likely why I like to chop wood so much. The gathering of the wood is awesome too. (Now that I have a lighter ax it will be easier). It is too early to do yard work or plant things just yet. Walking for a walk’s sake gets old after a while. So, chopping wood that I find out in the forest that I live in is a nice compromise.

I find that the quiet up here helps my mind as well. Too much psychic noise when there are too many people around. I have gotten very sensitive to this since I have been on the energy worker path these last two years. Communing with the trees is one of the things that helps me to recharge, rejuvenate, and reflect. Helps to clear my mind and my spirit.

If I were living in suburbia I would go nuts and be out in the woods all the time.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with suburbia is it just that I wouldn’t fit there very well. Too many houses, not enough room, too many people, not enough chores.

This is the perfect place for me because I there is always something to do here. Between chopping wood, painting, going for a hike, more chopping wood, sharpening the ax, playing on the computer, building a new computer, sorting all of my stuff, chopping more wood (cause it had been cold and I kept the wood burning stove in use a lot) and going for another walk to get more wood, painting the trim in the kitchen, I never have to sit still. :-)

My time here is limited though. I have plans to move to the Midwest in 2010. This gives me a year and a half to enjoy my slice of heaven. That thought does give this a tinge of sadness but it also helps me to savor each day I have up here. Even the days when I can’t get off the mountain because they haven’t plowed the road yet and the “S curve of death” is just waiting to take my new PT Cruiser are a little better because I know my time here is short.


Time to go and watch a movie. More tomorrow.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Lenten Blogging Part 2

I apologize to everyone (myself included) that I could not post last night. Major migraine kicked in and took me out. I am better now that the meds to stop the migraine have worn off. (Good stuff but kicks my ass).

I have been wondering what to write about today. I think of things while I am driving into work in the morning but by the time I get home those ideas are gone.

Bummer really, cause a lot of those ideas are a riot.

Hmmmm. I could write about how it is a little nutty that my favorite church service is Ash Wednesday. (Do I get off on guilt or do I just like the fact that the sermon is great, the service is smaller and at night?)

I could write a bit about the Shamanic path I am on. (I think that is later)

I could write about how I think Spirit wants me to write to my family during this time. (uuuuuug. Do I haaave toooooo?????)

Or I could write about how I am trying to sell my truck (BayB is no longer running so she needs to find a new home with someone who can get her running again).

I have a new job, a new car, and beginning a new life. Where do I begin on writing about that? (yeah, yeah, the whole “you are right now” thing.)

All of these are good subjects and I think I will write about them this weekend.

For now. It is time for bed since I am nodding off as I type. Pictures of the view from my new digs tomorrow.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Lenten Blogging

So, I was driving into work this morning and trying to decide what to do for lent this year. I believe that lent is a time of change, a time of transformation, a time of letting go of old. Sometimes it is even a time of welcoming the new. I don’t believe in giving something up just for giving something up. I believe that sacrifice should bring us closer to Spirit.

My first Lent I was living in downtown Washington DC. I did not own a car at that time and found that I had begun to take way too many taxi’s around town. Basically I was spending wayyy to much money on this type of thing when I had full access to the DC Metro as well as the bus service. There really was no excuse for the amount of taxi rides I was taking (mostly to and from work, normally a 30 minute metro ride). So, for my first lent I decided to give up taking a taxi unless there was no other way to get to where I was going or it was a serious time sensitive emergency. If you think that was easy let me tell you it was hard! I would leave work, exhausted, just wanting a quick 6 minute ride home. That was not to be. I would take the 30 minute metro ride home instead.

That Lenten season helped me break a bad habit that I had fallen into. (The irony was that it wasn’t till near the end of that season that I learned that you could “indulge” on Sunday. LOL) I got back into taking the metro and back into walking.

Over the years I have made it through other Lenten seasons but none have been as powerful as that first one. In part, I think, because I was just sacrificing for the sake of sacrifice. Not really using it as a way to grow and learn. Other years I have skipped it completely because I was either too busy to really do lent or that it snuck up on me, or that I was in the midst of serious flux, or any number of other reasons. This year, although lent did sneak up on me, I did at least see it coming last week and could prepare a bit.

This brings me back to this morning. Driving into work and thinking about what I wanted to do for this Lenten season.

I thought about giving something up. That didn’t feel right.
I thought about starting a few things. That was closer but not quite it.

Then it hit me.

Lenten Blogging!

I have been feeling quite bad that my life went nuts about 7 months ago and then I stopped blogging on a regular basis. Just when I was starting to get a bit of a following too. (smacks self in head again!!!) I have been feeling incredibly guilty that I haven’t blogged at all for a looooong time much less on a regular basis. (Truth to tell, I haven’t had time to follow my favorite blogs either so…) I have a good excuse. I changed jobs, lost my truck, got a new(er) vehicle and moved to a different state. I have been busy, really. No, really!

But I digress… (wink ((NOT THE SARAH PALIN KIND!!!)) to the original fans out there!)

BUT, I digress again…

Driving in this morning I decided that I would blog at least a little bit each and every day till Lent is over. I may skip a Sunday here and there but perhaps I really will go “hard core” and not take that day of indulgence. We shall see.

Keep your fingers crossed and your seatbelts fastened because the frog is back and is going to be blogging her *%& off! (Ok, I know but I work at a place now where I can’t swear in the hallways anymore so sometimes it takes a bit to switch gears.)

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of Lenten Blogging!