Thursday, July 16, 2009

Bad Music

Hello everyone. I have been a very bad blogger in that I got a life for a little while there and stopped blogging. Ok, well, that was just rude. I am PMSing and have had a couple of shittastic days so what do you expect. The rest of this post, while just as snarky, is a lot funnier. :-)

On to the entry.

My internet at home has been turned off. It was turned off because I didn't pay the bill for three months. The first two months are my fault because I have CRS desease and didn't get a bill in the mail. The last month was because at the end of the second month, when I thought to myself "hmmm. I haven't paid the internet bill" I went online and checked the amount I owe. The total was MUCH higher than what it should have been. So I called Comcast and asked them what was up. Turns out my CRS disease had kicked in before and caused me to not turn a piece of equipment in to them. I dutifully turned it in a day (or two) later. Then I waited for them to remove that charge so that I could see what I really owed. Six weeks later the no return fee is still on my account, I have talked with them 4 times on the phone, faxed the reciept for the equipment I did return, did an online chat with their customer service (because apparently when your service has been cut off you are not allowed to talk with customer service on the phone anymore, you get redirected to a quite grumpy woman with severe attitude issues who works for their billing department) and on the suggestion of the online chat customer service rep drove to my local office two days in a row, the second day having left my office (an hour and a half away) with enough time to make it before they closed so that I could argue with someone in person and pay what I really owe and get my service turned back on. I was 3 minutes too late and the office was closed. The nice lady working behind the counter did look a little sypathetic through the window while she gestured that they were closed after I banged on it and begged to be let in.

But I digress in my explaining why I am at my local coffee shop (with free WiFi) willingly subjecting myself to bad music.

Basically, I have no internet at home. I am an internet junkie but I cannot bring myself to pay over 500 dollars to have my service turned back on when all I owe is $198. The name of this cute little coffee shop is Jumpin Java ( and it is in Charles Town West Virginia. (Ok, before the jokes start I only have one missing tooth and that one is way in the back where you can't see it so that doesn't count. LOL)

Where was I? Oh, Jumpin Java in Charles Town.

Ok, so Jumpin Java is apparently having an open mic night tonight for local musicians. That sounds like a great idea right?

The first guy up is... well, how do I put this?? So bad that my ears are going to start bleeding. He sounds very similar to what I would imagine a guy would sound like if someone was stepping on his testicles while demanding that he whine about the piss poor parts of his life.

GEEBUS! He just said that he has CDs for sale. Ok, good music is apparently dead now. Why didn't get that notice???

Ahhh. He has stopped now. I am hopeing that it gets better or at least this is as bad as it gets.

No, that apparently wasn't as bad as it could get.

No, not even close.

I am sitting here, with home made ear plugs (rolled up napkins work well) listening to some of the worst "rock" music I have ever heard. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of rock music. I have had the time of my life at OzzFest so you know I must have pretty loose taste in what I consider "good" music.

With that in mind...

Oh Sweet F*cking Geebus.

Someone decided to come back and stand on the guy's testicles again. I think they are wearing golf shoes this time.

SHIT! It just got worse... someone is apparently "playing" a trumpet... badly. Very badly in fact.

This is so bad I may just give Comcast the entire $500+ that they think I owe them. Shit, I may toss in a huge tip. Somewhere along the line these guys seem to have gotten the idea that playing louder makes up for a lack of any real talent. Wow. I bet they could get music fans to pay them a lot of money to never, ever, under any circumstances, pick up an instrument or sing... ever... again.

NOW he decides to tune his guitar? I thought that was supposed to be done BEFORE you start playing. That is optional apparently. Well, singing anywhere close to on key definitely is.

Now they are using an accordion help to create some sort of "Ozzfest meets Haight Ashbury" sort of thing. Too many drugs perhaps? Too much Guitar Hero playing that deluded them into thinking they have any sort of talent whatsoever for music? Too many "friends" who just didn't have the guts to tell these guys the truth that they... well... totally suck?

I am betting that it would be considered rude to go up, tear the bass out of the player's hands and beat the lead guitarist with it huh? I do wonder though... how many of these folks in this coffee shop would cheer for that very action?

I now understand the value in auditions.