Definition of Communication: the process of to impart information from a sender to a receiver with the use of a medium.
The medium most often used are words, either typed in email or spoken. Words can relay information from one to another. Words can also be used to uplift or to beat down. To create or to destroy. Not that I think the world is black and white, far from it.
My point is that this week I have experienced a wide range of words with all their varied intentions. Most of the words I have encountered this week have been mundane. A few have been uplifting and a few have been destructive.
I spent some time with a friend the other night exchanging words in the form of stories about the past weekend, plans for the coming weekend, and funny stuff too. We are both having a tough week this week. Her family of origin and my mom of choice both need a good thwacking. (A huge oversimplification but hey, it is my blog so I get to choose what I put here.) The other night this friend and I discussed how the hurts from our respective families were affecting us. No conclusion reached but a bit of healing for my heart, hopefully for hers too.
I haven’t made the final decision about my MOC (mom of choice for the uninitiated). I don’t know if I am really walking away forever (emotionally if not physically) or if it is just for a little while to heal. I guess it comes down to is she really healthy for me (now or in the future…). However, I feel shitty about taking a cold analytical view at a human relationship, especially one so close for so long.
I should probably give a clue to what happened to get me to this point with MOC. Sunday evening, just after spending 5 hours at a clients house finally getting a laptop in good running order, I went by MOC house to drop off something I had borrowed and to hear about how church went. (yes I go to church…*rolling eyes*) I get there and the first words spoken to me were biting and snarky. Oooook, I think to myself that it is time to bail as fast as possible cause I know what is coming. Long story short I didn’t get the chance to bail politely and ended up getting really hurt later in the evening by just one sentence she spoke. (I think the rest of the working through MOC shit will be in a different post.)
Missed words can have an impact too. Another friend missed a one sentence statement that ended up causing a whole shitstorm of stuff. All worked out now but the feelings of regret are there and the lines of communication are still a bit strained. No way for me to comfort this person either… Damn.
Here I am today. Totally burned out from months of dealing with insane/unhealthy birthparents, hearing nothing from my daughter (miss you!!!), still doing the long distance marriage thing, studying Shamanism (more on that in another post cause its time to “come out”) dealing with the emotional turmoil from that, working for people who every day do something to make my work life impossible, getting ready to move-but no not yet-but the move is back on-but oh it is on hold again rollercoaster, while missing my best friend who had to walk in the wilderness for a little while.
I am trying to keep my spirits up but yesterday it was a bit to hard to manage and I crashed out. Today is better. Tomorrow we will see…
I am hopefully going to be spending the weekend camping. Rest, recoup, sort out, do the mental fall cleaning and hopefully make some decisions. Keep your fingers crossed that I can recharge my batteries this weekend.